


The Letter

by bortzy



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 19:11:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12153006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bortzy/pseuds/bortzy
Summary: Yoosung's confused and running out of excuses, but he needs to accept the one thing in his heart he knows is true: he is desperately in love with Saeran Choi.





	The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure where this idea came from so suddenly, but I thought it was a cute concept. I really hope I've done it justice! (I just needed some fluff after heckin V route)

Yoosung chews at the end of his pen, considering what he’s about to do. Is this a good idea? Will admitting his feelings, even just to himself, help him at all? He’s not sure. All he knows is that he’s run out of ideas on how he can face this.

 

_Dear Saeran_

Is ‘dear’ the right word to use? What about ‘to Saeran’? Maybe that’s too informal. What kind of word are you supposed to use when writing to a friend? The only letters Yoosung’s ever written in his life are thank you letters for birthday gifts, and those were only to family members. He’s never written to a friend before. He crosses out the first line.

 

_To Saeran_

No, that looks wrong too. He crosses it out. Maybe this is a stupid idea in the first place.

 

_Saeran_

Is that better? He feels like that’s probably the safest way to go, but now the page is so messy from all the scribbles that there’s no way he can focus on what he needs to say. He tears the page out his notebook and scrunches it up, tossing it in the bin under his desk. He opens a clean page.

 

_Saeran_

Now what? Does he just let his thoughts flow? This is just for himself, after all. It’s not as though he’s planning on letting anyone see this. It’s just to figure himself out, but how are you supposed to start a letter like this? What is he supposed to write for that first sentence?

Maybe he should just… go for it. He sucks in a deep breath.

 

_This is really scary to write even though I don’t plan on actually sending this to you. I mean, I guess I might. It really depends how I feel when I finish writing it. I’m just worried that once I start writing I’ll never be able to stop._

Four sentences in and he’s already rambling. A rocky start, but he pushes forward.

 

_I don’t even know where to begin with this. Maybe I should start with when we first met._

_I don’t know if you noticed, but I was really nervous when Saeyoung introduced us to each other. Almost as nervous as I am now, actually. I wouldn’t say I was scared of you – I think I just really wanted you to like me. But I’m like that with everyone so I didn’t think much of it at the time. You were just another person I wanted to impress, and I didn’t want to disappoint Saeyoung by not getting along with his brother._

_That makes it sound like I don’t care, but I promise I do. Just bear with me. You know I talk a lot of rubbish, but I swear I’ll get to the point._

_I remember the first thing I noticed was how cool your hair is. You mentioned you wanted to grow it out someday and don’t get me wrong, I’d love to see it as its natural colour too! But I love the white and pink. I know it’s supposed to be kind of threatening, especially with the eyeliner. Like an edgy fashion statement, I guess? But I think it makes you look cute which probably isn’t what you wanted to hear. And I like how it’s a little bit too long so it hangs in your eyes. There’s something about that that’s cute, too, even though I know you use it to hide behind when you’re anxious. And I know you straighten it to hide that it’s curly, but the few times I’ve seen you early in the morning before you’ve had the chance to I swear it makes my heart explode!!!_

_Anyway, first impression: Saeran’s cute (this still stands)._

_I also thought your eyes were really cool. I love how they almost look like they could be glow in the dark, and I think that ring around the pupil is super cool. I know I’ve told you I like your eyes before because that’s when you told me that they turned that mint green colour from the drugs you were forced to take. I’m sorry about that. It’s really insensitive of me to bombard you with questions after only knowing you for a month. I think I just wanted you to know I liked you. I talk way too much._

_You have a nice nose, too. I know Saeyoung hates his because it’s kind of big, but I’ve always liked his nose, and… well, you’re identical so you have the same nose. Not that I’m comparing you to him! I’m just trying to say that I like your nose. I have a button nose, which I guess is okay, but your nose makes a statement. I don’t even know if this makes sense. I just like it a lot. It gives you a good profile from the side._

_Actually, everything about you makes a statement. Your eyeliner, your black nails, your bracelets, your clothes, your choker – everything! I think that’s super awesome. I feel so boring when I’m with you! You’re so cool and mysterious, and I think that’s what first drew me to you. This is super cheesy, but you know me._

_While I’m being cheesy I might as well tell you I like your cheekbones. And your jawline. You have a really good facial bone structure. God this is weird, sorry._

_This probably sounds weird too, but I like your hands. They’re big and slender and I love watching you as you draw. You have such a delicate touch. It’s kind of mesmerising._

_I can’t believe I almost forgot to mention your freckles! You didn’t have them the first few months I knew you, but when we started going outside and watching the sky together they started appearing. I think they’re the cutest things ever. Honestly, I want to kiss every last one of them._

_Your lips are… I can’t even think of a word. Gorgeous? I don’t know, but I love your lips. I want to kiss those too. If I’m not watching your hands when you draw, I like watching your face instead. You always have your mouth just a little bit open, and sometimes you purse your lips in concentration. I hope this isn’t creepy._

_I just realised I was supposed to be talking about the first time we met. I didn’t mean to go off topic. I just think you’re really attractive._

_We didn’t speak much at first. I mean, I kind of talked at you a bit, but I think I might have been a little overwhelming for you. Sorry again. I just really wanted to know you, and I’m so glad now I can say I do._

_Do you remember the first time we played videogames together? You were just watching me and Saeyoung play, but then he had to go to his office for a job, so you picked up his controller. That was so much fun. You don’t cheat like Saeyoung does, but you’re still really good at games, and I love watching you smile when you win. Sometimes I lose on purpose to see that smile, and sometimes I do stupid things on purpose to see you laugh. I have more fun playing with you than I do with Saeyoung, but don’t tell him I said that._

_Saeyoung and I took you to that carnival about a year ago when it came into town. I won you a teddy bear. You tried to look grumpy about it, but I saw you smile when you thought I wasn’t looking. And then Saeyoung bought us all ice cream and we sat at the bench with the view over the gardens. That’s when I found out you like flowers. Maybe I should buy some for you._

_My mind is jumping all over the place so I think I need to focus my thoughts a little more. I want to talk about the moment I realised I was in love with you._

_We’ve watched the clouds together a few times. It’s usually after you’ve had a bad night or you just need to get away for a while. I’m so glad you let me come with you. I like to think it’s because my presence is soothing, but I guess I don’t really know. I realised I’d fallen in love three months ago. It’s the first time you’d ever had a panic attack in front of me, and Saeyoung tried to shoo me away but you clung onto me like your life depended on it. When we’d helped you calm down, I took you to our usual spot and we watched the clouds. In that moment I turned to look at you. Your eyes were fixed on the sky and they were exhausted but still shining, and your hair ruffled in the wind which made me want to touch it to see if it’s as soft as it looks. You looked tired but so peaceful. And that was the moment I realised I loved you and that I wanted to stick with you through everything._

_I think I loved you long before that. We’ve known each other for almost two years, and I think I’ve had a crush on you since a couple months in. I think that developed into love just over a year ago, but I only realised recently. It was kind of difficult to accept because I’ve never had feelings for a guy before, but you’re different. I don’t care that you’re a guy. I just love everything about you._

_I wasn’t going to tell you. I didn’t want to burden you or weigh you down or scare you away, so I promised myself I’d just be there for you whenever you needed me. Maybe when the time was right I was hoping you’d come to realise you had feelings for me too. Or maybe we’d just stay friends. Honestly, I don’t even know if you’re interested in relationships at all, and I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t. You’ve been through so much and I never want to pressure you. That’s why I’m still not sure if I’ll actually send this letter._

_Just on the off-chance that I do send it, I want you to know one thing: I do not expect anything from you. If I send this, it just means I want you to know so you can make a decision on how to continue our friendship (if you even want to). I just hope this doesn’t scare you. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a tiny sliver of hope inside me that tells me you have feelings for me too, but I won’t be disappointed if you don’t. I just want to be friends with you and help you when you need me. And, if you want me to, I can distance myself for a while so I can get over you._

_But if there’s a chance you have feelings for me too, I want to tell you this: I will never hurt you. I don’t think I could if I tried. I will never leave you or pressure you or expect anything more than what you’re ready to give. I don’t even expect us to have any kind of label if that scares you. You don’t have to be my ‘official boyfriend’ or anything. We can just be two guys who have feelings for each other and show it sometimes. Or not. I promise I’ll never be disappointed._

_And if this letter means you never want to see or speak to me again: I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I’ll miss you, but I understand. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. All I want is for you to find happiness, and if that’s far away from me then that’s okay. I will always treasure our friendship while it lasted and it will always hold a place in my heart._

_I feel like I’m rambling a lot. I need to decide whether to send this now. Maybe I will. I guess you’ll know if you’re reading it._

_Yoosung_

Yoosung squeezes his eyes shut to stop himself crying. He doesn’t want to reread it. It’s raw and emotional and, quite frankly, just him vomiting his thoughts onto paper as they appear in his head, so it’s probably incredibly embarrassing and badly structured. He barely expressed even a fraction of how he feels, but he doesn’t want to be too overwhelming.

Should he send it? He doesn’t know. He’s not sure he can handle rejection.

But Saeran deserves to know.

He folds the sheets of paper in half and sucks in a deep breath. This could be the end of him.

 

* * *

 

Yoosung giggles as his kart smashes Saeran’s off Rainbow Road. Saeran groans and elbows him.

“You’re such a dick,” he accuses. “How are you even so good at this track?”

“Saeyoung always picks it to annoy me, so I’m used to it by now,” Yoosung says with a grin. He glances at Saeran and sees the ghost of a smile on his face. Now that he’s fully admitted his feelings to himself, it’s difficult not to just stare at him all the time.

“Saeran,” Saeyoung calls from behind them, and they pause the game and turn around.

“What?” Saeran asks, sounding mildly annoyed.

“You’ve got a letter.”

Yoosung feels his blood run cold.

“Me?” Saeran says in disbelief. “But I never get letters.”

Saeyoung shrugs, clearly as confused as Saeran but trying not to show it. “Well, this one’s for you.” He tosses it to Saeran and it lands in his lap. Yoosung feels like his heart is beating so fast it’s going to fall out his ribcage.

Saeran picks the letter up off his lap and frowns at it in confusion. He bites his lip before placing it on the table in front of them, facing the screen again.

“Ready?” he asks. Yoosung blinks in surprise.

“Aren’t you gonna read it?” he asks, voice hoarse.

“Later. I want to finish this first.”

They keep playing, but Yoosung’s distracted. That letter sitting on the table is burning into the corner of his vision. Does he want to be here when Saeran reads it? Does he want to see his immediate reaction, or would he rather wait and let Saeran read it alone and approach him on his own terms? If he even decides to.

They finish the round with Saeran winning and Yoosung coming third. There’s no way he doesn’t notice Yoosung’s apparent sudden drop in skill, but he doesn’t mention it. He just glances curiously at the letter.

Suddenly Yoosung jumps to his feet.

“I’m getting a drink. Do you want anything?” he asks, stumbling over his words. Saeran looks up at him in surprise.

“Oh, uh… could I get some water?”

Yoosung nods and rushes out the room into the kitchen. He leans heavily against the sink. This was a terrible idea. There’s no way Saeran has feelings for him too, and this is just going to ruin their friendship.

Yoosung fills up two glasses of water with shaky hands and then peeks through the door, back into the living room where Saeran is.

He’s opening the letter.

_He’s opening the letter._

Yoosung feels himself start panicking. He could rush over there and yank it out his hand and tear it up before he reads it. But then he’d have to explain himself.

God, it’s too late. He’s already started.

His expression is blank and Yoosung feels like he might pass out. He can’t tell what he’s thinking. His eyes move across the page for what feels like hours before Yoosung notices a slight change of expression. He’s frowning. He looks confused.

Yoosung can’t take it anymore. He steps back into the kitchen and leans against the counter to stop himself collapsing. He feels like he might be hyperventilating. Saeran’s reading his letter which means he knows Yoosung’s in love with him. There’s no backing out now. There’s no playing this off and saying it means nothing. It’s out there in the open and Yoosung’s entire world is changing. The room is spinning and his legs are shaking and he’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear…

“Yoosung.”

Yoosung spins around so fast he would’ve fallen over if Saeran didn’t grab his arm to steady him.

“Saeran,” he squeaks. Saeran’s touch feels like it’s burning into his skin, and when he lets go, Yoosung’s arm feels ice cold. He looks at Saeran, brain fuzzy and lagging behind what he should be thinking right now but also racing faster than it ever has before.

Saeran doesn’t say anything. He just holds out a piece of paper for him.

Is he returning the letter? Does he want to pretend like this never happened? Yoosung’s heart feels like it’s suspended in mid-air, waiting to see if it’s going to fly or fall. He unfolds the paper to see four words.

 

_I feel the same._

Yoosung reads the words twice, three times, four times, to make sure he’s seeing this right.

“Did you mean it?” Saeran whispers.

There’s a pause. A really long pause where Yoosung tries to focus his vision and stop seeing stars. To focus on the beautiful face of the man he loves expecting an answer.

“What?” he eventually says.

“Was it a prank?” Saeran asks, voice shaking. “Did my brother put you up to this?”

“What?” Yoosung repeats, dumbstruck. “N-no! I would never… I… it’s… it’s real.” Saeran studies him closely as though searching for any trace of a lie.

“It is?”

“I’m so sorry,” Yoosung blurts out. “I just wanted to tell you and I didn’t even think I was going to send it at first I just needed to write it to get my own feelings out and I don’t want to scare you away or make you uncomfortable I just feel like maybe you have a right to know just in case you-”

“Yoosung,” Saeran interrupts. When Yoosung focuses he sees that there’s a small smile on his face. A beautiful smile. “I’m not scared or uncomfortable.”

“So… so you…?” Yoosung trails off, unsure what to think.

“I… I mean it too. I like you,” he says slowly, and Yoosung notices a soft blush spread across his cheeks. “A lot. More than I… more than I’ve ever liked anyone.”

“You do?” Yoosung breathes. Is he hearing this right? Saeran nods, avoiding eye contact. “So… what does this mean?”

Saeran bites his lip and fiddles with one of his ear piercings – something he always does when he’s nervous.

“I like you,” he repeats in a whisper. “I want… you.”

“Me?” Yoosung feels like a parrot right now, just answering everything Saeran says with a stupid question. Saeran nods and takes a small step closer.

“You said… you said in the letter… about my lips…”

Yoosung blinks at him. What did he say about his lips? He searches through his head to try and remember. Saeran steps closer again, looking at Yoosung’s lips.

“Kiss?” Yoosung breathes. Saeran bites his lip and nods. Yoosung steps closer.

Their faces are so close. Closer than they’ve ever been before. Yoosung can feel Saeran’s breath on his lips, and his heart is pounding so hard he can feel it in his throat.

Yoosung lets his eyes close slowly as he leans in, feeling a thrill shoot through him when his lips brush lightly against Saeran’s. He doesn’t know how to kiss. He’s never kissed anyone before, but he goes with his instinct and leans further until their lips are pressed together a little more firmly.

It’s everything he expected it to be and more. Just the knowledge that he’s kissing Saeran feels too good to be true. His lips are chapped because of how much he bites them, but Yoosung doesn’t care. This is actually happening. This is real. He can taste Saeran’s breath and feel his hair tickling his face and he’s not sure he’s ever felt happier.

Yoosung pulls back after a few moments breathlessly, a huge smile lighting up his face.

“You feel the same.”

Saeran’s smile is wider than Yoosung’s ever seen it.

“I feel the same.”


End file.
